life is short but still wasted on unnecessary emotions

2009-02-16T18:10:00.001+08:00

I don’t care who did what 500 years ago. Valentine’s Day has never been a biggy for me. I mean, if it were really to commemorate St Valentine, it would be to celebrate the man who died for Christ. That man certainly did not buy chocolates and flowers and handing them out to everybody with sweet pretty pink hearts.

Today it’s more commercialized where prices of cards, chocolates and flowers escalates four times higher and it’s a chance for companies to make more money and for girlfriends/ fiancées/ wives to have a day to exploit their boyfriends/ fiancé/ husbands into buying them expensive gifts (hur hur). However, I admit that it would be nice to have a “special” day to do a bit more than usual. We all enjoy feeling special and enjoy pampering the ones that are special to us. Of course being the emotional basketcase that I am now, I’m going to contradict myself from 4 years back. In the end, I do not see it as wrong to give someone you love a gift on that day. If you’re to do that and go for a romantic dinner on the 14th of Feb, and it would be seen as wrong but it would be ok if it happens on the 13th or the 15th, then wouldn’t it be dumb?

Anyway, why bother with all that talk. Bb and I didn’t go out on Saturday due to own family commitments and time constraints. Initially it sucked because I thought while almost the rest of the world were with their other halves, I’ll be at home without my fiancé by my side. But hey, we were with our family and they are people that we love too. Besides, from what I heard from friends, Saturday was packed everywhere with people and crowds are definitely not romantic to us.

My fiancé could be romantic once in a while. Not as much as I wished he could, but he tries. To add on, I have V-Day envy. I love cards and chocolates, and random pink teddy bears and hearts so my envy is multiplied by a hundred and one fold!

A few days back I teasingly asked him. “So what are you going to get me for Valentine’s Day?” and he replied “Nothing”. HAHA! I would have known that from the start. Not that I was expecting him to buy me something anyway. So we went out the next day instead to catch The Wrestler. I didn’t really like it for the first few minutes because it was shot handheld style and it’s set in dingy low-rent lodgings, shops and makeshift dressing rooms which bespeaks 80’s to me. But it was agile and it was definitely humorous. It’s a story about this wrestler (obviously) who has gone through a lot of pain together with his fame. He frequents a men’s club where he met an ageing stripper who is also fighting against being a has-been. At the end of it all you’ll learn that despite life issues that he’s tormented with, 20 years on, he’s a staggering wrestler who’s still devoted to the one thing he loves.

Anyway, after that, we went for a little window shopping where I tried some dresses. He chose one maxi dress which he said was pretty and guess what? He bought me that maxi dress! It was random and of course it caught me by surprise. He teasingly said back that it was his V-Day gift for me. Haha. I couldn’t stop smiling. I don’t know about yours, but my man loves to see me in dresses and buys them (for me, of course). So in the end, I was the one who didn’t get him anything. But he loves me anyway. Besides, love is from the heart and not the wallet.

Yeah right.

why I have stopped blogging

2009-02-14T17:20:00.011+08:00

... and why I'll (probably) start again

It’s has been more than a month since I blogged regularly on this site. There were a few reasons but what I can tell you is that mostly, I fell out of habit. And felt weirdly guilty about it too. I don’t respond well to guilt, so that put me off it entirely for a few weeks. I did feel strangely incomplete as this period of rest came about during the times when many things are happening and there are things (mainly happy things) that I would love to share and scream out to the world wide web. But in part, blogging is less compulsive for me because I have other outlets of expression, writing in print, retail therapy, and the occasional verbal vomits to the fiancé.

Then now, it’s like I’ve reached a point where I know I have been doing nothing for so long, I feel guilty about being sooooo lazy, that I snap back into becoming this crazy motivated self again. That is me. I work hard, I get sick of it, laze off, get sick of it, work hard, etc etc. It’s like a yo-yo routine but it works fine for me anyway.

So here I am… back after a long time. I have been doing a lot of things during this interval. What I have not been doing is posting it up!

Things I have done/ happened during the times you missed me:

1.1 Thought that I would have the most boring New Year because my darling fiancé didn’t want to see the fireworks (which he referred to as just fucking explosives) but in the end, it turned out way different than what we expected. Having spend the last few hours of 2008 and the first day of 2009 with the one person you love most till the wee morning and later the only pair having Mc Donald’s breakfast at 5am, turns out to be the best New Year I could have ever wished for.

2. Decided not to make any new year resolutions because I never achieved last year’s one anyway. I’ll just go with the flow and try to be a better me along the way. I have however have to aim to save a whole lot more. God help me on this!

3. Got hooked on The Little Nyonya. I can bravely say that throughout my whole life of watching local Chinese drama serials, this is the next best local Chinese drama ever produced since The Unbeatables.

4. Realized my hair has grown back it’s length, it’s still curly, seems to have a life of its own, looks good and I’m loving it.

5. Had a date with Sis Ely and strengthened old friendship ties. (Ni baru boleh panggil Ms Gorgeous eh pls)

6. Probably lost some friends along the way as well.

7. Got pissed the shit out because Ms Nuisance made another comeback. Just really want her to get fucking lost out of my beautiful life.

8. Knows that I am naturally a very friendly person but found such numbing immense hatred towards Ms Nuisance.

9. Hated the fact how some people compromised my patience. I mean it’s not a threat. But if this goes on, do not expect me to continue being nicey nice.

10. Still have friends who, despite all odds, will always still be there for me. (Thanks Aida!)

11. Fell partially awed at my Finance Manager who’s young and cute, and wears worn out jeans and Jack Purcell shoes to work. I’ve always had the idea that Accounts people are mathematically boring. So I was wrong.

12. Wrote two songs.

13. Spent the long CNY holidays with the maternal relatives at East Coast Park on one of the weekend, where it was a overpopulated with people and tents as usual. It bored me.

14. Spent the next two PHs fully with my parents which made them happy.

15. Been trying to stick to a strict diet. (HAHA!)

16. Been eating lots of ah-yam (how Bb’s lil niece would say it. Very cute!!)

17. Have lost 2 kg (?!?!?!?!)

18. Still being endearingly called gemok and buncit by Bb.

19. Missed family gatherings TWICE (it’s a big deal in my world). Missed my darling cousins. Missed my beloved grandparents :(

20. Have not bought any new shoes or bags (which is a big deal in my world too) since.

21. Have finished reading Twilight. I know lambat bertapak but I wanted to see the movie first before reading the book so I won’t regret it like PS I Love You. And I never regretted it. The book is a lot of notches more romantic than the movie. I think you would have to agree that everyone would want their own Edward Cullen. No man in reality could ever match up with Edward Cullen. True?

22. Been contemplating whether to continue and read New Moon and the rest before seeing the movie. (Mirah, whaddya think?)

23. Have been playing arcade games a lot but have not had any luck in the claw machine thingys. Bb and I used to win lots of toys hokay!!

24. Have actually spent a lot of my online time doing research about kahwin-kahwin stuffs and enjoying it too.

25. Didn’t appreciate sarcasm. Least of all from someone I love. Especially not from someone I THOUGHT I could trust.

26. Still am head over heels, crazily, deeply and very much in love with Rizal.

27. Have had active mind blowing activities that always left us in spasms and gasps of breaths.

28. Have had followed Bb and his band to their gigs.

29. Have had thrown out half of the clothes (at least 2 boxes full) in my wardrobe to make room (for more clothes). No kidding!

30. Missed a whole lot of people.

31. Missed blogging.

On more recent issues.

32. The PIL2B came over to my place and the folks had a great time chatting, and the date is set people!!

33. Went to one bridal shop to look through their portfolios. The lady was very nice as to let us try lots of their suits too!

Seems like I have done more than the 33 listed but those are the ones that I remember as of now. Unless you’d like to know the sordid details as well.

So 2008 was a wrap! It will always be an eventful year for me to remember in the long time to come. A rather life changing one in fact as well as setting the pace and outlook for what I’ll be doing or have to do. The obvious was the time when he proposed and we got engaged. It has been a year about change. 2008 also saw many firsts, one of which was when I’ve finally learned how to ride a bicycle (HAHA!). There were a few other notable events that would be far too draggy to mention.

Sadly January has not been a good month for a head start. As for 2009, it will definitely be a challenging year otherwise a transition year for me but I’m still generally excited of what’s in store. The main thing is, I know I won’t give up.

So I’m doing a lot of new stuffs right now and I’m pretty excited to share with you the stuffs I’m doing and the results of these “findings”. So if you’re looking forward to all of that, then you might just read up on them in the coming entries.

Probably gone for long

2009-01-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

Leaves are on the ground
Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey
Like my love

I tried to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you
When I'm gone?

You say you care for me
But hide it well
How can you love someone
And not yourself?

[Chorus]

And when I'm gone
Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?

I can't go on
And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain?
Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground
Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

2008-12-19T18:05:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not updating in a long time. It’s not because I was entirely busy. I think the monsoon season has made me very lazy. If I’m not out, I’ll be in bed. Everything happens in bed. Magic always happens in bed. Hur hur.

Of course, a lot of things happened in the last quarter. I don’t know exactly how to start. That always happens to me these days. Sometimes I’d be in front of the pc with the blogger page staring at me, but my thoughts are always not fully consolidated and then I’ll just click “X”. Ho well…

So my problem with having too much to tell is that I don’t know where to start. So I think I’ll just blog what comes to mind first, obviously not in order of time.

During interesting times like these, I am glad that I am blessed with a beautiful family, an understanding mother especially, an amazing partner committed to me and wonderful friends because they have been very very supportive. If anything I know now more than ever is that I need my friends. And most importantly, I need Bb and my family. At that time I just wished that everything stops. Entirely and completely and never to start again. But now I came to understand why some things had to happen. Alhamdullillah everything that happened actually happened for the better.

I miss my girlfriends. Haven’t seen them in awhile. School, work, nurses with crazy shifts, other social life etc. Not enough time because each of us have our own lives (where the rest is also a major part of). I think I am right to say that although we share common interests and ideas, and can click really really well we are still different people with different personalities and lifestyle. No two That is why I feel that you shouldn’t judge a person by his/her friends. I think it is warped to say for example “I’m sure you club, smoke and drink, because your friends do”. I think that is unfair to say because one should always be accountable for one’s own actions, yes?

I watch Cashmere Mafia and Desperate Housewives once a while when I’m home early. It’s all about how a group of women BFFs with different characters and lead very different lifestyles get together and click really well. Some of the storyline seems ok. What I don’t understand is that why is a group of power kick ass career women are called mafias when a group of housewives are known to be desperate. At some point, I have always dreamed of marrying a guy who is able to afford me so that if I’m not out shopping and spending his money, I can just stay at home, and be pampered and just take care of his needs as a man. Sounds to me like a very fulfilling career choice in whichever way you would like to look at. Hur hur.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Like I said, no two people are the same. So one of the ingredients to successful communication and to establish a harmonious relationship is definitely rapport. Sometimes you’ll see two people leaning towards each other smiling and making eye contact, and mirroring each other’s movement. That is because they are in rapport. Lovers do it naturally. Close friends established that too. That is why I really feel that one should stay true to oneself and just be the way they are. If you’ve got it, you got it. And if you don’t, then that is just too bad. You don’t need to try so hard to be someone you are not just so you could fit in. Why do you always need acceptance and constant validation from others? It just irks and disgusts me beyond belief because try as you might to pull it off, you’re still very transparent and I could just see right through you. You’re not just emotionally stupid. You’re wholly stupid. And it’s been like the joke of the year. And you won’t know all the sarcasm thrown at you because… you’re just plain stupid. I should just save you from all the embarrassment and just buy you a mini dictionary so that you can carry it everywhere you go instead of just appearing clever online with dictionary.com. Even then, those pompous words just sounds stupid in your sentence and a lot of your sentences don’t make sense! But honestly, I hope you are happy in your own little bubble but when the time comes when it bursts and reality sinks in, you will be alone, cold and bitter because you will still be trying to blame everyone else except yourself, like always. I would very much like if you could open your eyes to see and clean your ears out so that you could hear yourself. I hope if you’re not entirely honest to other people, at least just try to be honest to yourself. I must applaud you for the being so capable of hiding your true self so well. And whether or not, you realize the mistakes that you’ve made, it will be far too late for a reconciliation. So good luck to you. Really. Good luck to you. At this rate, it will be a miracle if you have attained the peace that you have long desired.

Jeez… I can’t believed that I actually dedicated a whole chunk of para to you! And now I lost all thoughts on everything else. You are so uninspiring. Okay gotta run. I am late in meeting the love of my life. Later! (Much much later that is!)

2008-12-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

"Looking at your face tadi after I kiss you... I'm looking at the most beautiful girl in my life..."

He stroked my hair that he so adore, cupped my face to look at his and kissed my forehead. If a man says he loves you, he would do all he could to make you feel beautiful. And that was what he did.

2008-11-29T11:45:00.000+08:00

Here's a long shoutout to NURUL SHAFIQAH BTE ISMAIL who finally turns 21 today! Happy birthday darling! We go way back don't we. Back in 2005 or was it 2004 where everything is still very juvenile. I thought I'd do a recap of what the years was like to let you know how our friendship meant to me back in those days and even more so now.

I know we met randomly but having to see each other often since then, we got to know each other better as times goes by. You were and still am a very bold and loud person, in a good way of course. And both of us are different characters and have opposite personalities but it was amazing how we understand each other so well. Thank you for standing by me and listening to my crappy sad stories, happy stories and never-ending same ol same ol stories. Anyway, cut the long story, point is, I love you and thank you for the years of friendship.

I'll never forget in 2005 where we were slacking at Tampines Central with no plans and nothing in mind to do, so we randomly agreed to cut our hair and it turns out to be the WORST HAIRCUTE OF 2005! Celaka punya nyonya. It made us regret it for a whole month! Oh god, this has got to be our worst hairstyle ever! Check out the senget fringe!

And then our hair grew and this was during your 18th birthday

2006

We loved taking lots and lots of neoprints with indecisive random poses and cluttering it lots of texts and images

2007

And the lots of time where you'll always be ready to meet me after work eventhough you just got back from shift but prangai jahanam still can smoke in uniform. Haha.

And days where we'll dress up and head to Town on weekends.

Or even dress alike. Haha!
And remember your sungguh buang masa part-time stint?

And more other days that we had.

With more neoprints again!

2008

I think we have lots more ugly and kental old pics, I just realized that I don't have a lot of pics of us now. Anyway, we went to some many places and we shared some many happy times. It was the best time and it will be the best memory.

Come what may, I know you will have your best career and you will be very happy with your friends and family.

2008-11-21T01:34:00.008+08:00

Tagged by Nasha..

1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/ habits/ little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names
4. No tags back! Here is 10 things you must know about yours truly. Here goes!

1. My threshold for pain is very low. I will whine and cry and bawl if it's severe when I am in pain. And I bruise very easily and most of the time, I can't recall how come. As of now, I have a very big blue black mark on one of my calf.

2. I cannot sleep if it's too quiet or too dark. But I can sleep well with the tv and lights on.

3. I am ridiculously ticklish and very jumpy. My fiance loves to make me laugh that way.

4. Sometimes I get afraid that people can read my thoughts, so I'm always careful about what I think around people especially my fiance. Sometimes I have a feeling that he can read my mind. For example, when we're in the car with no idea where to go, I'd think of a place that we could go, and voila he'll magically head there!

5. I can't read a map. I am directionally dyslexic.

6. I have 9 moleys on my face. My fiance says that he loves the two under my eyes the best. I also have one moley each on both arms and calfs. I have a big one (i think the size of a 5 cent) on my lower back. It's genetic.

7. I don't like red meat. I prefer chicken and fish anytime. Especially chicken. I'd be a vegetarian if it's not for chicken. And I don't drink carbonated drinks. Hate that sizzling feeling my on throat. Euw.

8. I suck at painting my nails, so I'll always paint them silly and wait for them to dry before I peel all the polish off my skin in the shower or something.

9. People who knows me thinks that I am really nice and sweet although first impression is always that I am a bitch. Well not everyone I guess but a lot of people.

10. I was kinda hoping this would be a really good one but I couldn’t think of anything so I’ve ended up with this :)

One thing that i absolutely cannot stand is when someone yells at me. It makes me cry. and I hate crying more than anything. It makes me have a headache the next day. Sometimes when I cry a lot, I'll have fever the next day. Sheesh.

So that's it? Well, 10 facts is not all of the weird things/ habits/ little known facts about me. I am the most peculiar yet interesting person I know. ;P

2008-11-15T03:37:00.001+08:00

"There is no mystery to happiness.

Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love put out by scorn -or worse, indifference- cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day within a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He doesn’t look ahead. He lives in the present.

But there’s the rub. The present can never deliver one thing: meaning. The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness, a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning -the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life- a man must reinhabit his past, however dark, and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them."

- The Interpretation of Murder by Jed Rubenfeld

2008-11-13T03:36:00.007+08:00

Hey ya everyone! Wow... wow... WOW! As I sit here sipping my hot chocolate in this rainy chilly weather, I can't help but ponder over my busy past days or so week. My action packed week was full of revelations, celebrations, joy, bliss, and delightful goodies and more; although not necessarily in that order.

SUNDAY (2 NOV 08) - KARAOKE NIGHT WITH FRIENDS

It started with last Sunday where BB and I went karaoke with his friends for the first time. We've never really considered it as an activity for the group but considering the fun we had, it's highly likely we're gonna do it again soon. Well, karaoke is ok for me. My family loves to karaoke. My girlfriends love to karaoke. And no doubt, his friends seemed to like karaoke too but then... still very shy. After considering a few places, we decided to hit somewhere near home. The room is quite small but it managed to accommodate 6 person. I didn't sing as much as I normally would have and I certainly didn't do any silly thingamajiggy dance like I would have if I was with the girls but I still had a great time watching and listening to them sing to their choice genres of songs, some of which I have never heard of before. It was quite late when we ended the 3 hours of memekak session and since it was a working day the next day, we didn't have dinner/supper like we normally do but went home straight instead.

MONDAY (3 NOV 08) - SHORT MEET UP WITH OLD FRIENDS & DINNER WITH BB

After shuttling from UOB Plaza to Tanjong Pagar to get somethings done, I made a trip up to International Plaza to meet up with an ex- colleague whom I hadn't seen for quite some time. It was quite nice to catch up on old times and get little updates on the rest. The conversation went longer than expected and so I had to rush to Far East Plaza to meet BB who was already waiting for me. We had dinner at Cahaya and I bought a new pump which I immediately wore so that I don't have to be in 5 inch heels when we walked around town after that.

TUESDAY (4 Nov 08) - LUNCH & MOVIES & SLACKING WITH AQILAH & DINNER WITH BB

Met up with the favourite ~~little~~ teenage cousin and headed down to Vivo City to catch a movie. We were undecided of what movie to watch, but since a lot of movies were not age appropriate, we decided to catch Sing to the Dawn. Being the down-to-earth elder sister cousin that I am *ehem*, I thought it would be a practical and nice show since it was adapted from one of Singapore literature's most widely read books (due to secondary school literature) and it happened that she had done Claypot Marble, written by the same novelist Ho Mingfong. I personally too have read the novel a long time ago, but I surely didn't recall it had talking animals and a Mr Inventor who assisted the villagers in their ordeal.

The story is basically about Dawan, a young village girl who has high ambitions and dreams to get out of her village and go to the city so as to not be conformed to the old traditions, customs and a belief that school was unnecessary for girls. That's basically the gist of the story that I wanted to put across to my cousin buuutttt they had to put in the musicals with songs that are less than inspiring and animations that seems a bit too trying making the story almost out of point. Well talking grizzly bears or dancing spectacle wearing monkeys or not, there were some silly humour that got us cracking.

The movie timeslot was a bit later so we grabbed lunch from BK and headed to the rooftop for a brunch chat.

I know this pic of my awfully plastered feet is tak perlu, but see those three girls in front? Well from the moment we sat until we finished our lunch, they kept taking pictures of themselves every other second, with same poses and smiles that it irritated us to no end.

After the movie, we window shopped for a while and then headed off to the Library@Esplanade.

I love to look at her EZ link card picture because it reminded me of the times that she was small. I missed those younger times at Nenek's house. She was very mischievous as a kid but I always protected her from getting scolded. You can say that I kinda spoilt her. Hehe.

But hey, she has grown into a responsible and good girl.

After chilling at the library, I sent her back home. Bb was already waiting for me there. It was sweet because despite having a real tiring and challenging day at work that day, he still wanted to meet up for our monthversary dinner.

WEDNESDAY (5 Nov 08) - BRUNCH & COFFEE & GOSSIP & SIMPANG DINNER & MORE GOSSIP

Since Eqa was on day off and Mimi had no school, we decided to meet up at 3pm which was way earlier than usual. Aida came later at about 4pm, but sadly had to leave earlier to meet a Mr Sunset *ehem*.

Later come evening, we were so bored of sitting in the same place that we decided to have dinner at Simpang. Nothing special. I think Simpang is a bit over promoted despite serving salty fish and chips and bland kway teow. BUT with a toast from our Milo Peng, Teh Peng and Kopi Peng, we relished in a night of engaging conversations regardless of the endless toilet trips to the mobile "cina mamps/ org kawin" toilet.

THURSDAY (6 NOV 08) - TOGETHER TIME & DINNER @ EAST COAST DINNER WITH BB

I'll spare you the details.

FRIDAY (7 NOV 08) - DINNER & COFFEE & GOSSIP

What should I say. Same ol' same ol' fun with $2 Nasi Lemak from Pasir Ris and Pearl Milk Tea for dinner at Coffee Bean. Yeah, kita macam dah permanent kat situ that it didn't really quite matter.

Something else that was different was that we had an additional friend around. Ninja punya kakak ipar.
She looks scary and intimidating, but she is very mannerly. See she even covers when drinking. How sopan.

SATURDAY (8 NOV 08) - STAY HOME GOOD DAUGHTER

Finally this was like the only day my mother could see me at home. A day where I didn't go out while she was out working and I didn't come home when she is already asleep. Hehee. Had dinner, visited grandmother and then had supper and was online with the girls until 3. Padahal the next day, have to be up by 7am. Crazy!

SUNDAY (9 NOV 08) - PUB FAMILY DAY & WEDDINGS & DINNER

Oh my golly! This was an absolutely fantastic day! Bb woke me at 7am and he was ready downstairs an hour later. We bought our epok-epok breakfast and drinks and ate in the car during the journey to the zoo. Waited for Rahmat & Samsiah and then we went around to look at the animals. This time our trip to the zoo was a little less traveled. We didn't cover the whole zoo like we did during our last trip. Maybe because we were with friends, and usually we are more adventurous when it's just a duo. Also, I didn't take a lot of pictures of the animals.

We settled near the elephants' area and ate our early KFC lunch which was provided while waiting for the elephants' show.

We were seated on the first two rows and luckily we missed getting sprayed by smelly water. Kalau kene, memang dah mintak balik. Hehe.

Like I said earlier, we ended the day earlier than I expected but it was ok. It was also a very scorching day, so we were quite maxed out that we took a rest with blasted aircon before proceeding to our next journey. Ok so actually I camwhored with a shiny nose while Bb took a short 10 minute nap. Hehee.

So we did a quick change out of our t-shirts and into our formal shirt and dress and went to a wedding at Sembawang for a while and then to another one at Lagun Sari.

After the wedding, we spent some time together and then met Faizan and Su for dinner Harbourfront Breeks and ate like there is no tomorrow. Haha.

MONDAY (11 NOV 08) - CYCLING WITH BB

Bb was on leave and we have already planned a few days before that we'll do some outdoor activities together. I suggested Sentosa because I figured that I need a tan. At least a slight one. I'm quite repelled sometimes at how I look in pictures without a nose. But sadly, we woke up to a very rainy Monday and it was still raining at noon that we ditched that idea and came with something else. Since I have always wanted to learn how to cycle, I told him to teach. Haha. Yeah yeah. I bet some of you are laughing that I didn't know how to cycle kan. Anyways, all that is tak penting. Hehe. It was still drizzling when he picked me up at 3pm so after much deliberation, we went bowling at East Coast first. It was FUN and we laughed a lot! Bb was a newbie but he got the hang of it quick and even managed to strike a few times. Cool!

I managed to learn how to cycle. It was a funny but painful experience. I fell on my butt twice and scraped my hands and feet but in the end I got it. Bb was tired out from running after me and after a lot of struggle with my maneuvers with the bike that both of us perspired like hell. Haha. For a start with a heavy mountain bike, I have to give myself a pat in the back for that.

Oh oh and I was extremely excited! You know the $1 dollar machine thingy where you usually see in the arcade that will pick up the goodies. Something like that. I hope you get what I mean. So yeah, he got this for me! After 8 tries. Hehe. I actually jumped and screamed when he got it in that the people around there were actually snickering at me.

Cute kan! So happens that cookie monster is my favourite Sesame Street character lor. Hehe. He asked me to keep it at home coz he didn't want to put it in his car but I mati-mati want him to put it in his car. So in the end he gave in. Haha. Only he can accommodate and layan my antics.

TUESDAY (11 NOV 08) - DINNER WITH BB @ MARINA

WEDNESDAY (12 NOV 08) - BUGIS WITH MIMI & LATER WITH AIDA

Mimi accompanied me to Bugis or WATERLOO (stupid name for a place) Street rather to do a few things. Thanks Mimi for running in the heavy rain and dashing across traffic lights with me. For getting your slippers left behind and having your nicely blown hair messed up that even cicak masuk pon boleh sesat. Aku tau tak glamour langsung. Kalau kau demam aku sorry k! Hehe.

SEMPAT amik gambar while waiting for me.

Long story short, after the drama and kecohness and getting ourselves drenched in the rain, we bought J Co donuts and met Aida up near her place and all the stupid crap came up.

Ahhh... yess.... Told you it was a great week!

2008-11-12T12:43:00.000+08:00

Dik, aku pinta kau akan s’lalu setia
Dik, aku mohon kau s’lalu menemani
Saat ku tengah terluka
Kala ku tengah gundah

Reff:
Ku akan menjagamu
Di bangun dan tidurmu
Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu
Ku akan menjagamu
Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

Dik, jangan engkau pergi tinggalkan aku oh…
Dik, ingin aku cinta dan cinta s’lalu
Saat kau tengah terluka
Kala kau tengah gundah

2008-11-01T00:07:00.011+08:00

If you sit down and really think about it, besides your family and your significant other if you have any, who else can you count on as true friends? I have always worked best one on one with people and I only need two hands, not necessarily using all fingers to count the number of people who have really been there through my darkest moments. Others are people I'm still getting to know, those that I have given up on figuring out, or else they are people whom I know aren't my friends. There are those that I know (especially those that I have known since I was thirteen) who will always be there with me in spirit, even if it has been awhile since they are physically present. With a lot of acquaintances that have come and go, I learned quite abit about friendships and there is more to learn but an important thing that I have learned is to cherish the friends that I have because they will protect your heart when you keep them close. But hey, you also have to protect theirs. If you hurt me, and I hurt you, then there is an issue that we have to work through.

Trusting people is a slow process. At least it is for me, but I can honestly say that my friends have my best interest at heart and they love and accept me for who I am. Sometimes, it can be quite a humbling experience to know that you have people who love and care for your well being when in actual fact, they don't really have to but they do it out of the goodness of their hearts. You have to love that person and you would want to see them do better mentally, emotionally, physically etc. I know of friends (or so they claim) who just don't care and is only full of themselves. Tsk. That is disgustingly annoying and that should change. This whole chunk of an entry is probably because that was what I have been feeling. If there is one thing that I love about my friends is that although we were there for each other during darkest moments, but most importantly we are always happy for each other's successes and we never turn our backs on each other because of jealousy or whatnots. Oh yes, unfortunately we know these types of people (right girls?).

Anyway, I went through a rough moment the other day last week and it was bad. For a moment I was shocked and after that I felt terribly awful. It just happened that the first person I told was Mimi and I was glad that she was there to keep me sane. I still don't know what is going to happen from here. I'm still trying hard to keep it together. But you know... I'll make it work somehow. What I know is that I have to be strong. I always do don't I? At least I have to try.

Anyway, it was Halloween and although there wasn't much horror on this day, instead it seemed to bring with it an air of bad luck. Why I say is because my friends seemed to have their share of bad news today. They are going through a rough time but it came to the point where sometimes words like "everything will be ok" and "everything will turn out fine" seems not to help ironically enough because I believed and felt that it needed to be said.

Pictures don't paint pains. We laughed it all off and in the end we sighed with sadness.

Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we fail.In both cases, we learn something and we grow. Sometimes people look great. Sometimes not so great. We're not perfect. It's not difficult to be ugly, but it's the ease of being beautiful. And that's the most important thing.

2008-10-28T13:48:00.024+08:00

//edited

Hello! I know. I know. This place berhabok already until you all sneeze when open this page only to see the same vid appear again and again rite. You all sure say eh dekni tunggu Deepavali ke to update. But then, even Deepavali is over. Well I was sibeh lazy to update on Deepavali because Bb and I went to the Science Centre to watch a documentary titled Wild Ocean at the Omni Theatre! Whoa the last time I went there was approximately about a decade ago. I also know I am very old already. Bb and I were the only single couple there. The rest of the queue were of people with kids. Haha. Anyway, this entry is not about how I totally enjoyed the PH that we had but is supposed to be the last Raya entry for the year. I old already mah. Not as fast in updating anymore. I no longer get duit collection, instead I am very broke after Raya like all the old people. Betol peh enjoy pe tahun ni. People really whack and take long leaves that our house had a lot of visitors for the first couple of days. However, the highlight of my Eid this year would be where my family and I visited the future in-laws on the 2nd week of Raya and we played host to them a few days later. Both times it was great! And everyone was very very happy. There were a few funny jokes and stories, and everyone talked as if they have known each other for a long time. Well true to the Singapore Malay culture, Raya lasts for a month. People took advantage of the weekends to be in full swing for open houses everywhere. There were a lot of times where I tagged along with Bb's family for visiting and like I mentioned before, it was very welcoming. Besides raya-ing with family, there were also the times we had with friends.

Now let me tell you interesting stories about my Aidilfitri with friends. Although pictures don't do justice to the fun that we had, I am very lazy to story many many.

First it was Raya with Bb and his band. Siang-siang already Faizan dah plan and told everyone that the second weekend (11th day of Raya) will be for the group's jalan raya and since everyone was available on that day, it was set. Like it has been for the past years, everyone will meet at my house.

My place
Bb came first and we waited for the rest. Shuhaimi and his fiancee was next, then it was Faizan and his fiancee. We ate and talked and for a while I went into my room to change but when I was ready and went out, my Mom told me that my friends were starting on karaoke-ing. I was at first in disbelief but true enough when I went over, the boys were all ready sitting comfortably in front of tv. They were shy at first, but after that semua tak tau malu langsung. Haha. It was hilarious and we spent a good an hour and a half singing mostly kental tak penting songs and laughing at each other. I have videos of them that might come in handy for future blackmails.

We almost got carried away and lost track of time, that we had to deviate from the normal route this year. Instead of combing the rest of the girls houses that are all at Tampines, we went to Faizan's Bro open house at Sengkang instead.

Faizan's Bro's House

Bb's House

Noh's House

Faizan's House

Faizan's old cat - Bear Bear

Liyana's fat cats at her house

Last House. Su's

Then it was back home where it was past midnight but Mak Uning, Uncle and Pak Mok were at my house.

Handsome hor my little cousin. This one grow up sure become heartbreaker ala kakak sdare dia yg dah retire.

Then let me tell you of my kecoh kecoh raya with the girlfriends which was the next day. Ni baru tom tam bola kain langsir ela ela ey ey ey.

We were all supposed to meet at Aida's place at 1pm but we came half and hour later than the arranged time. Still not bad lah kan eventhough we all cabbed. Haha. On our way in the cab, Eqa as usual prangai miang, kept on waving and smiling to the abang handsome who kept driving beside our cab.

Aida's House

Posing bawah block dulu

Nasha kene chap latecomer for that day

The words on the tv match the face. WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT ANOTHER TIME. Haha.

Now sweet already

Everyone meet OPIPI! Aida's pet tortoise. Opipi is a female and is bigger than her partner who is more garang. Very huge hor but very jinak one. They will just let Opipi roam around the house and her favourite place will be under the sejadah. Very alim hor. Eh malu lah, even tortoise tau taubat.

Then enough of shrieking and getting scared of Opipi roaming around, we all went over to the next house. Sumpah next year no more buses for us. Eqa buy a car soon!!

Eqa's House

This was taken at random. Proves to show that the best way to use a blusher, muka mesti mau ada senyuuuummmmm. Pictures were also taken after we were very kenyang and tgh lepak after eating Eqa's mom's Mee Soto Power that we all had to have second servings. Ok maybe just me and Aida - terserlah kegelojohan kita.

Bawah block pics again before we went over to my place.

My house. Or my room rather.

My parents and brother left shortly after we arrived. So aperlagi, kecoh satu rumah!

Very penat and panas! So lepak first

Then we all went on a video frenzy like those you might have seen in my previous entry and those on the girls' blogs. But there was one where I accidentally cracked a joke which have now become an inside joke, and that got the rest especially Eqa into a laughing fit. This one really laugh and laugh until cannot tahan already. And this is just a gist of it.

AKU NAK NANGIS... MAK KAU....

Haha. Prangai kanak kanak.

Touch up lagi

Then we all cabbed to Nasha's house. We all live quite close to one another that take cab only costs us less than $5. Itu pon because taxi fares are sibeh expensive now.

Last House. Nasha's

This part already rolled up sleeves and slack habis already.

We didn't stay too long at Sha's place as Bb and his family were picking me up and the rest had their other raya visitings to go to. So this was our last bawah block pics for the day.

//edited

Then there was the Perjumpaan Hari Raya organized by Bb's company. It was a first and it was fun. It was a last minute thingy where he called to ask if I was bored that Saturday afternoon.

Him: "You boring tak?"
Me: "Yes. Boring ar."
Him: "Ok you gi gosok baju hitam you. Jap lagi i amek"

Hehe. I was already planning to bore myself to death with endless tv as he said the other day that he was going to this perjumpaan without me but it ended as a surprise. Sweet!

// end edit

After consecutive weekly open houses and visiting, I can now say that my raya is a wrap! Although it has been tiring, it has been good! Next year datang lagi!

2008-10-15T13:46:00.000+08:00

Our lives are not all interconnected. That theory is a crock. Some people truly do not need to be here.

puasa sebulan raya pon sebulan?

2008-10-13T22:52:00.002+08:00

I have lots to post about my Eid this year. A whole chunk of it coming up. In the meantime, well wishes from the girlfriends.

2008-10-13T22:16:00.006+08:00

As promised in previous entry, pictures with the favourite cousins on third day of Eid.

Start: 7pm

End: 2am

2008-10-08T16:14:00.001+08:00

The first Hari Raya weekend just passed and what an action packed weekend it was. For my paternal side, we do not have any relatives in Singapore as all of them are in Indonesia and Malaysia so every year tradition beckons that when Mak Tua and family comes to Singapore on the second day of Raya, all of my dad’s seven siblings and their families will gather and gear ourselves up to crash all six houses. Last year we skipped Nek Tua’s place so this year we made sure we included that in schedule. It will ALWAYS be a crazy night with the cousins and now that the younger ones like Aqilah have all grown up, plus additional more toddling nuggets it is more kecoh. This is usually done within the day itself from past Asar all the way till the wee morning. There was once I remembered when I was younger, we hit the 4am mark and everyone was so dead tired that they all crashed the last house and slept there as well. This year however, since it was a Friday and everyone was working, we started slightly later after Maghrib and went all the way till about 2am. Sadly, we were not able to go to Uncle’s and Mak Uning’s place which was out of the way in Hougang and Bukit Panjang. By that time everyone flagged the white flag, what more with the kids having need to study for their examinations on Monday. It brought back lots of good old memories for the me and the older ones when we went to Pak Mok’s place in Chai Chee because my grandparents used to live in the same block for close to thirty years and that is where we grew up playing block catching and police and thieves until the neighbours got annoyed and screamed at us because we were so noisy. Anyway, let’s not do with melancholy. We proceed back to Pak Itam’s place where my Bb fiancé joined us as well although he just got back home from visiting with his family and already changed. This I feel very overwhelmed for.

I’ll post pictures of the crazy Friday when I get them from Aqilah because I don’t know why my pics are all blur and plus gambar tak banyak coz batt halfway mati.

I spent Saturday and Sunday with Bb and his family where we went visiting to several houses and they introduced me to almost all of his extended relatives. He really does have a large family here. PIL2B’s aunts, uncles, siblings etc. Towards the end of Saturday we went to one of his aunt’s place where his late grandparents stayed. I think it was important that I saw his families and I saw his life, especially the place where he spent most of his growing up at. And man, what a fantastic experience it was. Too little time to write it all down but here is some of the highlights.

The family – lovely and welcoming.
His aunts – very friendly and so easy to talk to.
I didn’t get to meet his late grandparents but at least I still get to meet FIL2B’s aunt.
Oh and on Saturday, his niece who tagged along fell and suffered a cut on her chin. There was a lot of blood and for a full 10 minutes it was chaotic. Luckily there was a nearby 24 hrs clinic so Bb, FIL2B and I rushed her there. Bless the person who invented tissue glue because she was screaming, afraid of having stitches.

Somehow on Sunday afternoon my system decided to get rid of my unborn babies in the midst of visiting and since I did not ovulate last month, this round was super crampy and massive. I would have sprawled myself on the floor and cry in pain but because I was with the in-laws, I had to try to look like I’m still in the best form. Bb was however very concerned and attentive taking away gassy drinks from me and making sure I was ok. He planted secret kisses on me when nobody was looking and that made me feel much much better. I appreciate that he understands and cares about the kind of pain I go through on a monthly cycle. For that, he is my very best.

2008-10-02T22:29:00.015+08:00

Everyone has a Hari Raya entry. So here is mine.

The day before raya or the last day of puasa will always be a very very busy day for me. Both my fiance and I were on half day so we went to collect cakes and do some last minute buys before he sent me back so that we can have our last iftar with our respective family. The best part of Malam Raya for me is always the resounding melody of the Takbir after azan Maghrib but let's not do with a melancholy entry. The last iftar will always be elaborate at home ever since my maternal grandmother stayed with us for the past few years. She will cook rendang, sambal goreng, lodeh, serunding and the works in big circular periuks mind you.

My fiance came over at around 11 at night to deliver some cakes that my MIL2B ordered and baked. We watched some tv and then headed over to Mak Uchu's place. As tradition, my paternal grandmother will cook ketupat and she wanted to give some to him again. They chatted for awhile and we left around a few minutes after midnight.

On the first day of Eid, the men left for Idul Fitri's mass prayers after we did our Subuh while I managed to get some forty winks again before I got ready. My family is very passionate about donning similar colour outfits every year, and this year we went purple. The morning of 1st Syawal has always been the same for us every year. We seeked forgiveness from the maternal grandparents and then proceeded to Mak Uchu's place to gather with my cheena-looking paternal family.

For the past few years, my family have always been the first to arrive, but this year is different because Pak Mok and family were already there. This year is different too, because my darling cousin Aqilah and her family celebrated their first day of Eid in kampung Kempas so it was quite a bummer without the usual crowd around. Nevertheless it was still kecoh after Uncle and his family came slightly later.

I always feel very emotional whenever I hold my dear grandparents hands to seek for their forgiveness. This year was especially heart wrenching for me, because my beloved grandfather in his slow and calm yet matter-of-fact voice mentioned something that made my tear flow endlessly.

"InsyaAllah, Hari Raya tahun depan kita dapat jumpa lagi"

Ya Allah panjangkanlah umur dia. Amin.

Ok digressing again.

Anyway, after that we headed back home again to welcome my aunties since my mom is the eldest and then we will all head out for our raya visiting. For the past years, it has always been the same houses in the same order.

To cut the already long story short, although there are a lot of similarity and the same routine like the past few Eid, this year is specially different for me because my fiance came over on the first day which to others seems nothing but to me is something because it felt really good.

Well, no matter how Hari Raya or Eid may have change, be it in sending cards, baking cakes or visiting practise, what matters most, above all, is the forgiveness that we're seeking for, right? So, during Eid, it's best time to ask for forgiveness from Allah, families, friends or even enemies and importantly, forgave others in return...

2008-10-01T02:01:00.001+08:00

I'm all set for Eid! The last weekend did see me running errands. On Saturday my fiance and I decided to head to Geylang earlier to beat the congestion, knowing it'll most probably get more crowded by night. I succumbed to buying my overpriced $200 white kebaya. But it's very pretty if I must say so myself! My mum said boleh buat baju nikah. Hahaha. I also have fabulous hair now! If Singapore made history by having the first night race, I made history by curling my hair after 22 years of naturally straight hair. I still need getting used to it when looking at myself in the mirror, but it was worth the money and the 4 hours of burning my ass in that salon. No pictures yet. Rambut raya mesti surprise! Hahaha. On Sunday I went with my mum. We walked into a shoe store and I came out with four pairs of shoes! Tsk! Tsk!

Oh, and my room is so girlicious! I love it! This is the only time I can revel myself in pink. Ape nak buat, nanti dah kawin cannot have a pink room anymore kan. Hehe.

Anyway, last minute raya preps aside, I did a bit of reflection on this year Ramadhan for me. I admit, it was not as great as last year. There were times I missed terawih prayers, but I made it a point during the last two weeks, so hopefully I get the blessings of Lailatul Qadar. InsyaAllah.

Would love to blog more but it's 2am and tomorrow (or rather in a few hours time), we'll be celebrating Eid! So I'd better get some sleep. Later get eye bags and dark rings and go visiting looking like a Hantu Raya.

So here's wishing all Muslim readers Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin. If I have done and said, and even blogged about things that are hurtful to you, then I am sorry and I hope that you'll forgive me. Have fun visiting and hijacking lots of raja kuih raja kuih raja kuiiihhh and F&N kaya kaya kaya!

2008-09-25T16:48:00.002+08:00

Six more days to Eid and I’m nowhere near ready to welcome the festivity. My parents are really not bothering with much of the household except for new curtains that are not to my liking. They really should have brought me along when they went shopping. Talking about in preparation for Eid, my room is still in an organized mess. The rooms have been repainted from three months back and I’m still using brand new curtains so all I need to buy are just spanking new bed sheets. I’ve been too occupied to bake with my grandmother so this year we’ll buy the cookies instead.

Don’t get me started on my clothes. The last two trips to Geylang have been miserably futile. The first trip with the fiancé, we managed to get him a set of kurung and the second trip with my mother ended up with us buying lots of food back home. I was exasperated at the end of both trips with each time telling myself never to go back again, but of course I had to fight that thought with myself. Where else can I look for right? Unless any of you have other suggestions. I don’t understand why it is so bloody hard to find a nice pair of nice fitting kebaya. It’s either too overpriced or the same ones that I have seen from 5 years back. So yeah, I don’t have any raya clothes yet!

And of course, I can’t do without accessories. I think I can pick something from what I already have for bags but I need new shoes. And earrings. And a new make-up set. Senang cakap, I need a lot of things lah! Oh oh and I’m in serious need to do my hair!! Damn.

So yeah I have the last weekend to get everything in place. Wish me luck.

2008-09-23T16:51:00.004+08:00

Contrary to what some people might think, I think the world wide web can be rather misused when inquisitiveness and boredom prevails the wandering mind. My fiance thinks that internet is evil and blogging is a waste of time. Even more so, bloghopping. Well maybe because it doesn’t work to his advantage sometimes. Hahaha.

I think I can give myself credit for my relatively good searches on the web. The things that I have found good or bad, have been lifelong learns. Sometimes, these searches comes with an edge. Being girls, you can’t help but know about your boyfriend’s pesky ex-girlfriends, their friends and the works. Today I think I’ll give that credit to one of my good friend Nasha who did just that. And we had a good laugh over dug out ugly photos of ex-girlfriends with equally ugly friends that has been archived. Hahaha. I was like, where did you manage to find that crap?! So yeah. Useful searches or not, it’s amazing what us girls can do. Just a word of caution, don't mess with us. Hahaha.

2008-09-22T12:57:00.004+08:00

Here’s to two of my beloved friends who celebrates being a year older (!) today.

Happy 20th Birthday Siti Noraishah Mansor!! We love you!!

and Happy 22nd Birthday Irwan (Aida's bf)!! This is weird, but if you're our girlfriend's boyfriend and you love her, we sure as hell will love you too!

2008-09-21T12:28:00.004+08:00

Kadang aku berfikir, dapatkah kita terus coba
Mendayung perahu kita, menyatukan ingin kita
Sedang selalu saja, khilaf yang kecil mengusik
Bagai angin berhembus kencang, goyahkan kaki kita

Genggam tanganku jangan bimbang
Tak usahlah lagi dikenang
Naif diri yang pernah datang
Jadikan pelajaran Sayang
Dengar bisikanku oh Dinda
Coba lapangkan dada kita
Trima aku apa adanya
Jujur hati yang kita jaga

Mengapa selalu saja, khilaf yang kecil mengusik
Bagai ombak yang besar goyahkan kaki kita

Yeahhh...

What a week! My stomach was feeling out of sorts and I was a walking fuckey poo poo. I was in pain, I was crampy and cranky. But I dealt with it. Not in the best manner that is. This is unbecoming of me. I'm sorry Baby.

2008-09-19T12:52:00.004+08:00

This is for the baby in the group who turns 19 today, Syamimi Mariyani or fondly known as Mimi by others and lovingly called Tetek by us for obvious sangat reasons.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY SQUIRTLE! WE LOVE YOU!

Yeah this shitass entry is dedicated to you for being older. Remember to behave yourself hor. Please stop embarrassing us and talking loudly in public. Please be more gentle boleh tak. Stop bullying us and twisting our arms. Kita tau kau paling kuat. Sakit ok!. Stop talking dirty and please eh, stop it with the streetdirectory already! (Aku nak laakkkiiiiiiiii!). Hahahahahaha prangai sak!

But above all, thanks for sometimes being the butt of our jokes and making us laugh like crazy and we know we can always count on you if we want you to kill someone. In fact, I already have someone in mind. Hehe.

So we’ll see you on our next meet and please jangan MIA hor. Although we know kau tetap jiwa.

P/S: So cam, mau pe?

2008-09-18T16:34:00.000+08:00

"I woke up one morning and found I could no longer add together two and two. Something had given way, the ice had shattered. Things crowded in, the mere things themselves. One drop of water plus one drop of water will not make two drops, but one. Two oranges and two apples do not make four of some new synthesis, but remain stubbornly themselves. Oh, I don't say I had not thought of all this before, only that now I could not think of anything else. About numbers I had known everything, and understood nothing."

- mefisto

2008-09-12T13:38:00.006+08:00

Look what I found.

And this was the same formation for the KL Marching Band Competition. I think Saiful, my cousin in KL also took part with his school band. I wonder how they fared. Ho well. 10 months of baking in the sun for 10 minutes of fame. I so feel them.

I was bored. And darn! I miss band.

2008-09-10T12:50:00.000+08:00

Eh bagos ah!

Delete lagi!

2008-09-08T15:23:00.002+08:00

"Yes..you look beautiful..have always been.."

Your sweet words... It all seems too familiar doesn't it?

Tell me how can I ever trust you again?

I'm still waiting for your apology. Whenever you are ready to tell me.

2008-09-02T21:59:00.020+08:00

September is one of my favourite months. Main reason is because a few of my loved ones birthdays fall on this month. Bb’s and Amran’s which fall on the same day. Last year when Amran was born, Bb mentioned that they could celebrate together which of course didn’t materialize. Haha. Then it was Aqilah’s the next day, Azwan’s, Nenek’s and Kak Nisa’s which happens to fall on the same day too, some close friends and not forgetting 2 of my lovable girlfriends’. And this year September happens to be the fasting month which is doubly great.

I thought I’d do something different for my fiancé’s birthday this year since it falls on the first day of Ramadhan which calls for minimal celebration, so I had the idea of bringing it forward to 30 Aug since the next day will be Baybeats. So unbeknown to him, I started planning on throwing him a surprise birthday party about 3 weeks in advance since August was a busy month for me and I wanted to ensure that I had enough time to make arrangements or buy things since he’s with me about 90% of the time. What was most difficult was no doubt, lying to him that I’ll be out shopping for bags with the girlfriends when I was actually buying party things and also keeping secrets from him, because over these years I can never lie or keep anything from him. I gave a hard thought on the party theme and finally decided on a rockstar theme party since it’ll be the much awaited Baybeats performance the next day. So it’ll be like a pre-Baybeats/ Sourgrapes celebration! I did the booking at Pasir Park, called on his friends and ordered the cupcakes and party cookie favours. I also decided on catered food instead of having the normal bbq.

The day itself started very early for me having slept for only about 2 hours to do the “birthday card” after reaching home at about 1am to buy miscellaneous yet important stuffs with Mimi, Eqa and Aida. I had to accompany Mom to the market early in the morning, then to collect the cupcakes and cookie favours, and then it was back home to have a quick shower and get ready to meet Eqa and Mimi who came over my place to help me carry the loads of things. We hopped on a cab and picked Aida up at Pasir Ris. We were not sure which carpark it was so the cab driver dropped us at Carpark C and after MUCH walking because the pit areas are very deep inside, we realized that we are at pit no 35 and the pit I booked was actually pit no 23. Great! This calls for much more walking besides have to lug on to two cartons of packet drinks, 2 paper bags full of stuffs and 3 boxes of cupcakes and cookies. Of course unquestionably, the heaviest of the lot is the carton packet drinks. Mintak ampun beratnya! It was drizzling while we were walking and I was really really hoping that it'll not turn heavy but my heart sank when the rain started pouring so we had no choice but to seek a nearby shelter. It was actually raining quite heavily when I took this but you can't seem to see it in this picture. Not sure if the camera is good or lousy.

I was very happy when the rain subsided so we continued walking and walked and walked even more until we cannot tahan but to stop for awhile for a rest because the body already sweating like babi and melekit macam Mimi yang tak mandi. Eh rhymes! Haha.

Minum Milo anda jadi sihat dan kuat boleh continue angkat barang berat.

FINALLY we reached pit no 23. The delivery guy was so stupid in understanding the clear directions that we have given him that he deserved the scolding and sarcasm he got from my hungry and angry girlfriends. Haha it was so funny! We laid the tables, arranged the food, cookie favours and paper plates while Edie helped us turn packet drinks into a Jenggo game. We also set out blowing up the balloons and it was known that Eqa was the best *coughs* blower *coughs* for the day.

While waiting for the guests to arrive, the girls wrote birthday wishes on my amateurish scrapping of his “birthday card”. The arrangement was that I had told Bb to meet me there at 7 because I lied that I was attending Nasha’s so-called birthday party and he was invited. I told his friends to arrive at least about half an hour earlier before him.

Look at what my girls wrote for him.

Standard jugak, his friends were late and I’m not really a fan of Bb’s lack of punctuality but for once I was glad that Bb was later. However, thing is, I was already starting to panic when he was not answering my calls. After more than ten missed calls, I was already on the verge of crying. Haha. His friends all said that suspect kuat he fell asleep, which if that is the case, I won’t be surprised at all so I called his house to check and my FIL2B said that he has already left the house. And minutes later Bb called apologizing that his hp was on silent while driving. Phew! So I waited for him for another good 20 minutes at the entrance before he finally came. My Baby!

So while we were walking towards and nearing the pit I called Mimi and just told her “OK” as a signal for her to light the candle sticks. Bb asked me how come I call my friend just to say ok. Haha! I told him “Oh tadi dia tanya I something abeh I cakap I answer her later”. Hahahahaha! That was so random and lame but luckily he bought it lor!

Coincidentally when we reached the pit, everyone’s back was facing us so Bb went to tap one of the guy, I think to salam or what I’m not really sure, but he sure was hell shocked when it turned out to be one of his friend. Then he saw more friends and he became more surprised. Hahaha!

And after 138347837823 times, he finally managed to blow all the candle sticks out. Hehe! The birthday party turned out wonderful. He was extremely surprised and very happy that the party was in fact for him. The perfect results of course!

My other favourite looney banana couple for the night beside Bb and myself.

Last but certainly not the least, a big THANK YOU to the wonderful girls who helped me made this whole thing happen. Thank you for making sure that I've bought all the things that I need, for helping me carry and lug all the things, for sweating and walking the distance with me.

Basically above everything else, for just being there for me. And like what Mimi said, to want the best for me because at the end of it all, it was worth it. I was so happy that he loved the surprise party and if I had to relive everything for that moment, I would give up the world for it. Happy Birthday September babies and I hope it's not to late to wish my Muslim friends a Happy Ramadhan :)

2008-08-29T11:53:00.001+08:00

And what do you get out of love?
I ache - for what we once were.
-Paris Jet'aime

2008-08-26T18:16:00.002+08:00

So did ya’ll watch the Fireworks Festival? I heard from friends it was awesome. Well, I missed out the fun (growls at Bb) but nevertheless, I still had a great extended weekend to make up for it. Saturday saw us to his Aunt’s open house in the afternoon where I saw Rayyan, the kid who used to be in my nursery class a few years back. Now he is in Primary 2 and obviously no recollection of me. Haha. I feel so old! Then we went back and chilled at home for awhile. There was a wedding at his void deck and they had a mystical kuda kepang performance. This dance often has strong links with spirit possession and often dancers who are seated astride a two-dimensional cutout of a “horse” will go into a trance-like state. It’s really a surprise to me that these performances have been on the rise lately amongst the kolot Melayu community and the vicious culture has been unsparingly passed down to their younger generations. This I feel very sad for when I saw some of the performances are actually done by kids of my precious younger cousins’ age! They looked like they are still in primary school! Since Bb lives on the second floor, the sounds of the gamelan and the hard pounds of the drums really got on our nerves as it started from 11 in the morning all the way till 10 at night. They didn’t even stop to pay respect to Maghrib but in fact got even louder with their whipping and screaming because perangai pon dah makin setan!

Anyway later in the evening, me, Bb and the PIL2B went to FIL2B’s Annual Dinner and Dance at Meritus Mandarin. Well, it was mainly dinner for us where the dancing was left to the hilarious live performances. We were greeted at the reception with interestingly unique door gifts and led to a beautiful ballroom with beautiful lights and set up with numbered tables. Overall I think it was quite entertaining and the whole affair ended close to midnight. And we got back with the staircase not lighted up because someone stole the light bulbs. Probably the kuda kepang people because apparently they eat glass and light bulbs when in a trance. Not forgetting grass. Tsk tsk.

Anyway, while some of you were suffering from Monday blues, Bb and I was on leave! Haha. We had a late brunch at Downtown East and watched Death Race at 1pm. It sure feels liberating to watch a movie with no crowd. It was greasy and morbid but nevertheless with good old fashion action packed monster cars crashing over and over again in a blaze. Having said about lots of action, steam, and delirious mess and hotness, I would love to tell you what comes next, but I have underage kids who reads my blog. Haha! So till the next entry. Whenever that is.

2008-08-22T17:21:00.001+08:00

So I have decided to ditch the guilt. I wonder how many of us have allowed that word to rise from our subconscious mind in reaction to things that we might have said or done. I wonder how many of us let it plague us with negative emotions and how many times has that guilt been unjustified? Will we ever come to terms and realize how energized we could feel by not apologizing for being who we are and living a life that is free of guilt? You know, guilt is such a destructive force and it can never make you happy. I even know of people who are guilty that they are happy. How sad! Haha. I just realized that was ironic.

2008-08-20T18:30:00.001+08:00

I only had 4 hours of sleep. Much thanks to a very lousy night of course. I am very very upset but I’m doing a good job at keeping it all in and looking pretty normal on the outside. I just want those macam pahamers makcik pakcik (not my own) to shut the fuck up! Who says I don’t love my parents?! Fuck you!

Some people just don’t get it. Texting and sending a short message is really not just casual writing. When we write or sms for that matter, we state facts and objective statements in short simple forms. Yesterday I was giving exam tips to my younger cousin saying that writing bullet points helps me remember better. But thing is in life, when we remember our past and imagine our future, we don’t think in bullet points. We remember the whole story. I think we should constantly be in the move to improve ourselves by doing good work, be good to people and stay positive. Why think about the times when it just ain’t so? Yes I admit, that once upon a time I was a mess. Bak pepatah Friendster, it’s complicated. Now does it really bother you when people don’t do good work, aren’t good to people, are negative and in the end, still get what they want and living a much better life than you are? Didn’t you know that the fact is, the more complexity you have gone through and handle, the more aware you’ll become, and the closer you have come to wisdom? Dammit this is war! It has happened a lot of times and I really feel like giving that pakcik kolot satu tamparan kurangajar so that it can now justify what he has said. Because if he says I am jahat, I can really show him how jahat I can be. You know how sakit hati I felt when he keeps texting my mom asking for monetary help after 1 am! Eh sila ah feeling muka tembok! Ok takpe, but to protect his fucking ego over some nonsense thing, he had to rake up stories about me in the fucking morning. Now tell me siapa yang lagi biadap ni?! Sorry eh tapi all that dah tak penting macam kau yg sikit-sikit mau emo dan anak-anak kau yg kau sanjung sangat tu. Fuck you man! Aku kesian sangat that your life is crap!

Omg aku sungguh bitchy swearing too much. I just kicked myself into minah mode that aku sendiri tak boleh angkat!

2008-08-14T17:13:00.001+08:00

I know it’s already Thursday, but I feel like writing how the past weekend was unusual and interesting in several ways, last Sunday in particular. It’s rather funny to know what a small world we live in.

The Whackos attended Aida’s elder brother’s wedding at Malay Village. Mimi met us outside and brought us to the reception and I was about to sign the guestbook when I thought I saw this guy whom I used to have my first huge crush on. My first thought? That my mind is playing tricks with me. But when I asked Aida, it turned out that it was him, and he is Aida’s cousin. Hahaha. And apparently, Aida knows his uncle (who married my aunt), and attended their wedding when she was small. You get the link here? Anyway we concluded we prolly have played with each other before bawah block Clementi when we were young. So now we know that we are profoundly connected and can say that we are “sedara” in a very intriguing way. Hahaha.

Later, Bb fetched me and we drove over to Jurong to attend my elder cousin’s engagement. We came just in time as they were already leaving for the girl’s side at Pasir Ris and we managed to squeeze my parents, grandparents, Cik Wik and her sons in his car. When we arrived at the girl’s house, I saw Kinah who was my junior in TK. Apparently the bride-to-be is her sister!

Ok, malas already. Now see pictures of perempuan-perempuan ~~melayu~~ rojak.

2008-08-07T18:17:00.000+08:00

In case you thought I’ve died after the memekak session, I haven’t. I was just doing a lot of other activities in whatever spare time I have. Sometimes I’ll have things to blog about, but then I procrastinated and got lazy. Maybe blogging has lost its novelty for me. It’s also I think it’s the age thing. My close friends have said that I am not as crazy as I used to be. Speaking of close friends, I am really grateful to the whackos for willingly saying yes to help me with something I have up my sleeves. Maybe I’m still half as crazy. Haha.

And whaaaaaatt!!! It’s August already? Dang where did the 7 months go?? I reckon August will pass by very quickly too. My fiancé and I already have our weekends jam-packed with events that there will be barely enough time to enjoy together. Cousin’s open house, auntie’s open house, cousin’s engagement, friend’s wedding, friend’s birthday (s) etc. This weekend will see us going to 2 weddings, 1 open house and 1 engagement. You tell me I got tokoh become kakak2 dah kahwin anot. So there goes my hope of wanting to watch the fireworks people!! Unfortunately, I don’t have any idea how to make the calendar clutter-free but in fact will probably only going to add on to the list of busy days. So I’m going to concede that there will be too much to do and too little time again. Tapi action packed weekends! I like!

So one month has past and I’m left with 17 months to diet. Haha. How to get married when I am so faaaaaaatttttt… And I must save. I am spending waaayyyyyyy too much money. Okla, I’m gonna go off now. I have kicked myself into merajok mode without him realizing it and so I am going shopping alone. And we all know how I can shop when I am alone.

Apa lagi ah, SPEND MONEY ya’ll. Feel better, happier dan kurangkan sakit kepala.

2008-07-21T22:30:00.013+08:00

Hellooooo… I am back here… And today I am feeling bitchy! I know I know I haven’t updated in a while again… But to quote my bitch Aida… “Suka hati mak bapak aku punya anak nombor satu lah”…

It seems that some of us have triggered lots of small, seemingly insignificant onlookers that collectively could have made a slight contribution to a better society but did not. So, HELLO! YOU THERE? Anonymous constructive criticism appreciated!

Anyway, talking about contributing to a better society, did you not notice that this season’s blockbuster movies had lots of superheroes saving the world while kicking ass like Iron Man, Incredible Hero, Hancock and The Dark Knight? I have to agree with my fiancé (my first time addressing him as my fiancé in the blog. Haha.) that The Dark Knight is hands down, the best movie of the year and possibly the pinnacle of comic movie making. It’s an examination of human response to chaos, and the plots were amazingly brilliant. Without a doubt, Heath Ledger as the Joker was outstanding. It is a pity that he died early to see the masterful acting that he was capable of. I didn’t know who Ledger was, not having watched the Knight’s Tale and Brokeback Mountain so I actually secretly googled his image and he’s quite hot actually but as Joker he was scary because he was so unpredictable. You don’t know what he’s got up his sleeves and that’s what took your breath away each he does. At the end, there was some sort of unexpected pleasure that came from this movie. That said, can we have more female superheroes please!

I actually watched The Dark Knight before my fiancé left me for KL for a three day trip. So last Sunday since I was man-less, I went karaoke with the girlfriends and it sure was hell fun! One was an expressive singer while the rest just wants to be silly. For sure, I fall into the latter. Honestly, I’ve never really done karaoke as an entertainment activity outside home, but it has been an absolute blast and I totally enjoyed it with them.

In the bus. On the way to Apollo Centre.

Me and Aida monkeying around at the back and because perangai macam monyet, we never let Eqa and Nasha take a decent picture together. Haha.

Finally!

We were all so fucking hyper but we all heck care and sang so loudly and danced crazily sampai ada orang tu berdiri atas kerusi that the perangai abit melampau already siak. There were moments when people walked past and actually peered into our rooms and the girls called out “Abaanngg…..” using the mike. HAHAHAHAHA. Mentel sak perangai.

Actually we didn’t need microphones to be heard from outside. We sang lots of songs during those three hours. Rock band songs, melayu jiwang songs, kental tak penting songs from new boyz (HAHAHA) dangdut songs like kopi dangdut (HAHAHA), old school nak mampos melayu songs like ku siram selasih (I think that’s the title lah. HAHAHAHA). Senang cakap, we sang all kinds of songs lah.

After three hours of craziness, everyone was hungry so we walked out to Clarke Quay for dinner at the Coffee Club. We ended the night early partly because of me. Haha. What has happened to me! See baby, I tak mentel ok! Still, we had a great time! And Mimi, we missed you!

2008-07-12T00:28:00.009+08:00

Most of the time, I am able to filter out the scenes and sounds around me. But sometimes when off colour jokes and stagnant conversations puncture my concentration, with a wry smile on my face, I will turn and seek solace with girlfriends like my kind.

I hope in 30 years time, we will still be having coffee or late lunches and telling rude jokes and laugh with elasticated waists. It will be a table of grey haired elderly women who will come from different walks of life but they still share a bond of friendship that appears to transcend time and circumstance.

The past week have been great.

2008-07-10T11:58:00.001+08:00

I am really considering private blogging.

There are things that I want to say that I do not want some people to know.

2008-06-23T17:34:00.000+08:00

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

- C.S Lewis

2008-06-21T17:12:00.007+08:00

Met my crazy beautiful girlfriends on our usual Friday kopi session.

Then 2 star karats came to join us. Sorry eh Sha, muka abit like muka mintak like that.

Our very own makcik2 lama. Only they can disturb each other the best.

One is in melancholy.

The other one seriously wants to kill someone.

But that does not deter us from laughing till our stitches hurt and our tears out. So CHEMBENG!

My favourite partner in crime in disturbing the rest.

Whatever happens babes, we'll always have each others back.

Like what Aida says, people keep talking, they can say what they like, but all I know my girls will be alright.

2008-06-20T18:01:00.003+08:00

There are many ways crazy, neurotic, psychotic, slightly obsessive-compulsive girls categorize guys. Personally, I have found that guys fall into two categories – either they are great boyfriend material or they are great husband material.

It is rare that a guy is both. Where got so good one. Obviously guys are boyfriends before they become husbands, but it doesn’t mean they are great at both. Then again, they could be great at neither too. In that case, they better be very good-looking and not gay.

Some say great boyfriends material are superbly sweet and amazingly attentive but girls may not necessarily like that all the time. He looks good. He smells good. He’s rich. He brings you everywhere in his new car, remembers every anniversaries and buys you gifts. But they may not necessarily be the ones you bring home (to show your parents that is).

Great husband material are the guys who, obviously, will be great husbands. They’re soft, sensitive, reliable, they take care of you, they work hard, they provide, they cook well, and if they don’t cook, they sure as hell will ~~pretend to~~ love your ~~disastrous~~ great cooking. They read the newspapers, know the latest world events, wears comfortable Polo shirts and comfortable shoes.

Anyway, whatever your definitions are, I think boyfriend materials are loads of fun when going out with him, tons of laughter, jokes and teasing, lots of romantic stuff and great physical intimacy as well.

Husband materials are those entire above plus material-financially stable, mature in character, able to provide for family and kids next time.

Okay okay…. You’re thinking what am I blabbering about right… And why the sudden randomness… Point is, the past few days, my bf syg have sent me to work after we had breakfast, picked me up after work, went grocery shopping, go back home and we he cooked dinner. So I figured roughly this is how it is going to be.

=)

P/S: Anyway it’s Friday!!!!!

TGIF babes!! See you ladies soon!!

2008-06-08T22:02:00.004+08:00

My parents treated me a birthday dinner at Bali Thai on Saturday. There was nothing really interesting or good about the whole place. The manager was not professional and the staffs sucked big time.

We waited for 15 minutes for our orders to be taken and another half and hour before our foods to be served. The servings were meagre. We’ve tasted better cooked food. Nothing compared to the local Indonesian food that my grandmother cooks.

Then after dinner, I had to keep asking from a few passing staffs for our desserts to be served. There was this minah whose visible ass crack nearly made us vomit back our food, saw me looking at her for her attention but she looked away!!! That made me an irate customer so I said “Excuse me?”. And she continued to ignore me and walked away!!!! So I shouted another “Excuse me!!” and she came back with a mintak kene sepak face. Geram!!

Anyway, point is, the food was mediocre, the prices are an open robbery and the bad service just makes it not worth another visit.

But all is still good because I had dinner with my parents and we talked a lot, something which we rarely do now.

On Sunday I attended a wedding of an ex-colleague from Iman. It was really nice to see those few familiar faces despite the usual gang who was not around. But it's ok coz I get to meet my gorgeous sister! I miss her!

Getting ready.

Sisters. Hehe.

With the bride and Adik.

Who's next? Haha.

2008-06-07T15:37:00.013+08:00

It's been a while since I blogged again, so let's just do a recap. I was sick for a week with a fluctuating high fever and chesty coughing so that explains the lack of motivation and energy to sit and type something decent.

Plus, I got caught up in a few things. Some of you may know the reason why. But, I'm not really ready to type in the details yet.

But what most of you would have probably known if you're observant enough to have seen the ticker on the right bar is that my birthday just passed and I have turned a double 2.

I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to those who remembered and wished me through calls, sms, msn, friendster, tag etc.

To my friends, you girls are great! To my mom and dad especially, who to my surprise wished "Happy Birthday my girl.", you know no matter how grown up I get, I'll always be your little girl. And to my boyfriend, you are the best.

At 22, I thank God for bringing me into this family. I thank God for a religious, responsible father. I thank God for a religious, patient mother. I thank God for having a wonderful boyfriend who will always be there for me no matter what. I thank God for close friends who makes me happy. I thank God for keeping me healthy and beautiful. I thank God for the abundant rezki He has bestowed to me and my family. Alhamdullillah.

Last year my birthday was celebrated with a party. This year was a little more private. My bf and I took leave to spend the whole day together. We had Mac Donald's breakfast and headed over to Sentosa where we took the skyride that I've been pestering him to go for ages. It was scary initially when it took off but then it was total fun!

I'll just show the pictures.

My birthday gift from him.

Skyride pics.

Then we drove over to Tanjong Beach. As you can see, there was really no one in sight because Tanjong Beach is the most secluded out of the other beaches in Sentosa and it was safe enough for us to leave our things under the hut and swim out.

Because it was quite hot and humid, my boyfriend asked me to change into his t-shirt which I think I looked quite hot in. Haha. It was a really nice time listening to the sustained moment of rhythmic crashing of the waves. We lazed around. Napped. Played psp. Talked. Laughed. (Haha! Sometimes he can be up with crazy ideas and he's so random but that's one of the reasons why it's exciting to love him.) Swam. Had sex on the beach (the drink?). And by 5pm we were hungry so we started to pack up where we headed to Vivo to eat and to watch Narnia.

Thanks biebie for the day! I love you!

2008-05-26T22:19:00.002+08:00

Weekends was nothing fancy apart from the fantastic freaky friday for a kickstart.

Saturday we went out with nowhere to go and eventually headed out to Vivo. The next day we went to watch the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull movie at Cineleisure. I booked the tickets online because I knew the cinemas would get full by the time we get there. My bf have been waiting for this movie for some time so I didn't want to drag our movie date to another week. Although actually I was not really sure what to expect from this movie. I didn't grew up in the era of spending my childhood afternoons watching the Iron Man and Indiana Jones cartoons you know. Anyway, it was quite draggy in the first few scenes and I didn't really understand the plots because I think it relied heavily on fans nostalgia. But as I continued to watch it, it got interestingly ok. The movie ended around 11-ish and as much as we wanted to chill out further, we decided to head back home as we had to work the next day. Besides my bf syg was already so sick by that time.

He was already sneezing away since Saturday. I thought it's just his sinus problem that he normally gets and it would just go away after some time. But no, it later progressed to bad coughing and last night he was already a bit feverish. This morning he woke up to a fever of 40 degrees!!! He got a jab and slept nearly a whole day. Gosh I really hope he feels better tomorrow :(

2008-05-24T16:23:00.003+08:00

About 4 or 5 years ago, Nasha, Eqa and I met through a very weird way, but we hit it off immediately and today became close friends.

Yesterday through Nasha, I met 2 lovable wacky gilfriends and we connected really well in our wacky chats like we've known each other for ages. One of the reasons was because I think we we were all into similar things. Haha! *winks*

Anyway, pardon the hair. I hate the state it is in now.

Mimi and Aida.

Cousins. Oh don't they look alike!

Oh, and Nasha's friends who joined us.

Anyway, funny kecohrable moments which sets us up in deep laughter:

1)
"Adik kau bising ar! Kluar and tutop lampu!"
"Aper... adik tgk tv pon bsing??"
"Kluar cepat!!"

2)
"Korang nak naik kaki siaper?"

3) (And this, I cannot tahan. Klakar nak mampos excuse!)

"Kau nak gi mana tu bawak bantal?"
"Takde... Nak pergi cuci bantal..."

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Till the next TGIF ladies!

P/S: "Oh my God!!!!"

2008-05-23T18:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I like going out with my friends and having a good time but lately I found out that I’m missing out on a lot of things. My girlfriends have been asking me out on dates, chilling, and lately, clubbing. Not that I can’t, now that I’m committed or anything like that. My bf doesn’t check on me whenever I’m out with my friends. But I think I have passed those days when I was 18-19. At this material time, I’ll turn 22 in 12 days. Gosh! I feel really old. Not that my life has came to a halt actually. Haha.

So anyway, I’m making this quick. I’m meeting some girlfriends later, and I’m meeting some new people. Haha. I haven’t been going out to meet new friends for a very long time.

Laters!

2008-05-22T12:13:00.001+08:00

Who wants to order cock? Who wants to drink cock? Click here!! Haha!!!

2008-05-21T19:03:00.001+08:00

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. But all the little things... I mean I've realized how much people take that for granted. They don't do it on purpose, and it doesn't make them bad for not realizing how special it is, but I guess you never really notice it until it's gone. So I'm going to cherish every little moment and treasure it forever. Those are the things that count, and they stay with us; they are ways of showing people you love them and that you care...and that's it. That's all there is...

2008-05-16T18:14:00.001+08:00

Know what, I’m starting to not feel comfortable in my own skin. I think it’s so sad because there once was a time in my life when I was so comfortable with myself. I never thought about what others were thinking about me and I wasn’t plagued with thoughts of self-doubt. Frankly, I was pretty happy-go-lucky not really paying attention to these kinds of things. But now when I’m so fat, I am beginning to feel so utterly uncomfortable in my own skin, it’s almost painful. I broke down yesterday. I’m not sure why at that time, but I just started to cry. I guess it really is painful… emotionally at least. And no, being comfortable in my own skin doesn’t mean I need to be fit in a size XS or anything. I was quite comfortable even at heavy times when I was taking really good care of my self like eating right, exercising and doing sports despite being big. I guess that’s what it’s really about though, isn’t it? It’s not the physical reason of being fat that makes us uncomfortable, it’s the mental and emotional reasons behind the fat that makes us miserable.

2008-05-11T14:12:00.014+08:00

I know! I know! It has been more than a month since I last blogged and I apologize for that. Wow! How time flies! Well it doesn’t mean that nothing has been going on. What with one thing and another. My life has been hectic and it almost made me lose my mind. Especially with all the work on top of the insane office shifting. It’s crazy the amount of “memorabilia” they have. But we have officially shifted last Saturday and what an experience it was, to say the least.

The dear bf was also having a tough time with all his audits and deadline. So it was a very stressing period. Especially when my demand for his attention seems to be more, I admit. Too often, we get so caught up in the little everyday moments of life that before long, seemed to have lost sight of “us”. But I have to say, he is a very patient man, with me specifically than he usually give others. Hehe.

Then there was my company’s Dinner and Dance. I loved it because the theme was retro, so everyone didn’t have to wear formal, and it was different than the normal D&Ds because it is held in DXO. We had a pre-dinner activity where we all get a ride in the overrated and overcharged flyer. It was fun!

Then we all walked into the club and as the night sinks in, everyone was in high spirits as there was free flow of drinks. They had a lot of games, where there were a few who tried to siam the thing. Haha. I wasn’t really impress with the songs selections because there rather weird. They had Michael Jackson songs on, but it was quite funny too coz there was one TO who dance to it with a lot of hype. I must say, the committee did a very good job and all the hard work and endless meetings was worth it. I thought it was a very good opportunity to meet up and gather with all the people from the jobsites that I have never met before like those in the operations rather than the management.

I wanted to stay longer for the gathering after the event till late but I had to rush over to the youngest BIL2B’s birthday pit at Pasir Ris which is cool coz I get to meet the adorable budak emok which is his niece. Hehe!

It was an absurd April, but I’m hoping it would be a memorable May. My dear bf and I celebrated our 2 yrs anni at the start of May and it was beautiful. We talked about a lot of things and if I could describe conversations as beautiful, that could be it. So while we look to the future, let’s focus on loving each other.

Today we turn 2

2008-05-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

2008-04-13T21:57:00.015+08:00

Over the weekends I had some time to meet up with my friends Eqa and Nasha. It has been a long time but it still feels like old times. Although we’re different people with different personality backgrounds and interests but over the years after all that we’ve been through, we’ve developed a real open and honest friendship. And I mean reaaallyyy OPEN and trruulllyyyyy HONEST friendship. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, it’s funny how time changes things and we’re now all at a point where we’ve never imagined ourselves to be. We were friends since we were in our teens and to think we’re now full fledged working adults, it’s close to funny when we think about it. Eqa is thinking of pursuing her degree, Nasha finally makes a great turning point, and I’m about to go through another stage in life. Well changes are inevitable.

Then my bf syg fetched me and we went off for dinner.

Playing games while waiting for our food.

My bf's essentials. I phone, Mont Blanc wallet and car keys. And ME ME ME! Haha.

My bf says I’ve gained weight and he likes to poke my tummy and pinch my tembam cheeks, but he’s still cool with that. I think. At least there is more of me to love. Haha.

Sometimes I look at myself and wonder how I got so large. Back in school, I’d never go more than 50 kilograms. Nowadays lets face it, I’m almost overweight. I think I’ve really neglected myself since I’ve started working. I don’t exercise at all, and it shows. I’m more or less fine with the way that I look actually. In fact, I actually like my voluptuousness. Women should not berate themselves for not being skinny enough. A woman’s self worth should not be measured by the thickness of her waist. Oh well. It’s a love-hate relationship.

Fat pon fat lah. Macam my bf cakap, gemuk takpe tapi lawa. Nanti kurus, lagi lawa. HAHAHAHAHAHA... Ok ok. I love my new bangs. I think it’s gonna stay for a while before another hair changing experience.

This is what I'm feeling

2008-04-08T17:50:00.001+08:00

"I'm broke but I'm happy,
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded,
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine

I feel drunk but I'm sober,
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless,
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything is going to be quite alright

I'm free but I'm focused,
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing,
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet"

Sigh

2008-04-06T00:21:00.003+08:00

"Bang Bang... My Baby shot me down..."

Friday 040408 was beautiful and for that moment, it was just you and me, and we were infinite. How can I not say yes. You already had me in the palms of your hands.

2008-04-03T17:50:00.001+08:00

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them. Words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out.

But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.

That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

2008-03-29T23:45:00.000+08:00

dah gaharu cendana pula, dah tahu bertanya pula

2008-03-28T21:46:00.002+08:00

I thought I’d like to discuss something but let me just first give a pre-emptive disclaimer. I find this topic pretty intriguing, but then I may not necessarily agree with the argument I am about to put forth. It’s just like me to debate with myself once in a while.

Cheating…

And I am not talking about cheating on exams. I’m talking about in relationships. I always thought that it was pretty straightforward. You kiss, touch or fuck someone else, that’s cheating. Unless you’re in an open relationship, that is not acceptable. Then again, maybe I’m too prudish. So this was on my mind quite a bit and I think maybe it also depends on the individuals’ perspective and the type of relationship (monogamous VS open relationship) that they are in. Generally I have always read in books that anything that has a potential sexual vibe to it, as could a flirtatious glance, is considered cheating. Anywhere from kissing to sleeping with someone is definitely cheating.

When it comes to partners, it seems that people are willing to put up with all manner of sins except cheating.

And your friends, they generally stand by and watch, believing it’s not their place to comment on your relationship, until someone cheats. At which it becomes free for all, with advice, scorn and even abuse flying in all directions. Why? Because society dictates that if you stay with a cheater, you are an idiot.

When someone cheats on you, you feel betrayed and hurt but the long-lasting effect is that it lowers your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The exact result of someone bullying you, verbally abusing you or constantly putting you down.

Infidelity. The greatest crime in the relationship realm. Yes?

Or is it?

A good guy friend once told me that he equalizes monogamous people with boring. He said that life needs a lot of spices to make it exciting and committing yourself to just one person is well… boring. Humans, when they want something, they get it. After sometime, they get bored, and then they look for something better. And that is just the way it is. Needless to say, I was appalled. Well I don’t necessarily have anything against people who aren’t monogamous but I sincerely feel that monogamy is a very sweet thing. It sure as hell beats sleeping with everyone you meet! A person can only be complete with one true love. Otherwise, a part of you will be empty forever and that is that is the most terrible feeling in the world.

But what he said (and I’d never really looked at it this way) was that someone could be emotionally cheating on you, and that is worst. And then it hit on me.

Emotional cheating is something that can be difficult to wrap your mind around. It’s not like it’s a “real” affair (with intercourse). It does not necessarily break spoken vows. For example, your partner spends so much time at work that they find it easier to hang out at lunch with their buddies and talk about their problems. It happens when your partner discusses more than what they are supposed to about you and your relationship with them to their friends. They share hopes, fears and dreams. This is emotional intimacy. It’s about forming meaningful attachments with people other than your partner.

That betrayal of trust is frustrating. It is more destructive.

Callie (to Izzie, on the elevator):
"Don’t talk. Um, I know it’s not fair, and I know it’s not your fault and I know there’s nothing going on between you and George. I know that. Except there is. You’re his best friend. He loves you. He gets you, he needs you, and I’m just, I’m just, I’m his wife. And I know, I know I get the sex and the commitment and life with him…but I want him to get me, and to need me. And I can’t compete with you. So I am asking you to please stop. Just stop. Find another friend, or whatever you do, just give me my husband back"

- Grey's Anatomy

2008-03-25T14:43:00.001+08:00

Where did the long weekends go? It has once again zoomed by, and here I am sighing because the next long weekend would be in May which is still far away. But all is not lost. I did have a relatively interesting few days. I hope everyone else is well rested and had a great time.

I was stir crazy on Friday when I was not able to sleep right through because I had to get some work done. There just isn’t enough free time in this world. Time that isn’t sucked up by obligations, pleasantries, small talk, worry. So I had to work from home. The only advantage is that I can get to watch TV in between. I wanted to go out with my bf syg, but we had a petty argument. I don’t know how it started anyway but it got from arguing to arguing about the way we were arguing. Eventually he got tired and apologized effortlessly. I’m not sure if I was glad he did because I always think that a person should only apologize if they really think that they are in the wrong. However, I appreciate the fact that he did in an attempt to stop the argument. See, men and women view arguments differently. We want to talk about it and solve it right there and then, but they are more likely to retreat into stoney silence. We all argue in different styles, whether we are submissive, passive, aggressive, abusive, abusive-passive, aggressive-abusive, submissive-passive-aggressive-abusive, whatever. I would over a hundred times still choose my bf’s silence rather than all the latter. Anyway in the end he humored me and made me smile like an idiot.

I did have my family dinner of just us four, which is rather rare because it was usually the case where if I was around, adik would be staying in camp and if he was around, I would be out. It did make my parents happy and so Mama ordered a sumptuous selection of seafood that we surprisingly managed to finish up. Yum yum.

Saturday was good. My bf and I did things that made us happy. Then I followed him to jam with the band which was cool coz I get to meet Liyana. And we ended up bitching about flat hair and split ends. When they were done, we headed first to Potong Pasir’s Macs for dinner. While waiting for the rest, he brought me to the ABC store which was 24 hrs and I bought a lot of junk food. By the time we finished eating it was past midnight. Where have all the time gone?!?!

Anyway, I’m hoping I could have some time over this weekend to read the books that my bf bought for me when we went over to Expo last Sunday. We bought $60 worth of books which was on sale. The place was mobbed with people but we eventually managed to find a spot at BK for dinner. It was simple yet sweet. I was touched by his sugary gestures although it was short. Such is the fate of girlfriends whose boyfriends are Manchester United fans. Haha.

2008-03-20T17:53:00.001+08:00

Today is the blessed birthday of The Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu’alayhi wassalam) which is much celebrated throughout the traditional Muslim world, while the Catholics are observing the Holy Week. One is fasting, the other is feasting, but we’re still one world anyway.

The most important part of Maulidur Rasul is remembering The Prophet Muhammad's (sallalahu’alayhi wassalam) good deeds, his teachings, his wisdom and how he forgave his most bitter enemies.

Happy holidays and enjoy the long weekends.

2008-03-17T22:41:00.005+08:00

I haven’t been able to update for more than a week. Yet again it has been a while. I always say that I will blog more but the last few weeks have been all over the place. Please don’t ask me the reason why :( . It’s just hectic to boring to emotional and back again via a lot of procrastination. I still have posts pending and hopefully I can get it published over the weekends.

But it has been ok. Where does discontent start anyway? You are warm, but you shiver. You are fed, yet hunger gnaws at you. You have been loved, but your yearning wanders in new fields. And to prod over all these causes bastard time. You can actually just see the finish line when you come into the stretch. And then you ask “Have I worked enough? Have I eaten enough? Have I loved enough?”. I fear that I always have to chase the things that I want. I’ll always have to wonder whether I’m truly wanted or needed or that I’ve just been settled for.

ANYWAAAAYYYYYY…. I was wondering what is it about a person that “sticks” in our minds and in our hearts? What sets a person apart from all the countless wonderful, beautiful, interesting dynamic people that we meet in our lives? There are people we’ve known for a long time who always remain at a distance in our hearts. Likewise, there are people we meet for a very short moment who speak to us for the rest of our lives.

So a good friend of ours got married the past weekends and it was a humble yet sumptuous and kaleidoscopically beautiful affair. Both my boyfriend and I were honored to be part of it.

Saturday afternoon saw the solemnization of Rahmat and Samsiah which was graced by close friends and relatives. The reception followed on Sunday. The bride was beautiful and everything was pretty. It was rather heartwarming to see that work-together spirit (rewang) between colleagues-cum-friends-cum-“gerek punya members” when they started cooking on Saturday all the way till the next morning.

(Actually, I’m mentally exhausted while typing this so I’m just gonna proceed to just post pictures)

2008-03-12T17:01:00.000+08:00

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy.

But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.

You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And the context is everything.

The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

2008-03-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy
With holes punched in it
I'm counting UFOs
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy...happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here

The world's a roller coaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air saying:

I wish you were here
I wish you were

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
Wish you were here

I would have bought the tix to the Incubus concert tonight but my bf syg had to go to BKK for 5 days.

FIVE days ya'll!!

I think I'll be fine. He left at 1355 hrs but then, I miss him already.

2008-03-06T18:25:00.000+08:00

Most of us enter our first serious long-term relationship in our twenties, and even if it doesn’t lead us to the altar, it usually gets us thinking about marriage. And yet, whether it’s personality and values or career and financial stability, our twenties are chocked full with uncertainties. It is the time when we discover who we are and what we want from life. Due to these constant changes, often the person we believed was the one doesn’t turn out to be.

With a little hindsight, it’s easy to point out the ways in which you and your significant other have changed over the course of the relationship. Although it certainly takes a commitment on both sides, I do believe it’s possible to grow together rather than apart. Do you agree?

"Dusk, I realized then, is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?" – The Notebook

2008-03-04T18:35:00.001+08:00

I read what a fellow No-Feelings girlfriend wrote:

“but after awhile they become boys
because boys will be boys

they stop being funny, stop being attentive
they stop making the effort
they stop their shaving and stop making the time
they stop making nice little gestures
they stop remembering to dress nice and to be nice”

HAHAHAHAHA. I think they stop remembering dates too. Like forgetting anniversaries, birthdays and such. My dad once said that it’s because men are less “past-oriented”.

Whatever the reason is, I think that men just don’t remember dates and it’s really nothing surprising about that. My bf syg forgot that it’s the 4th today and so dengan steady nyer he said sorry, for the first time he forgot. But actually kan, it’s already his second. Haha. See, like that also tak ingat. It’s just the Mars versus Venus phenomenon. He just doesn’t attach the same degree of importance to such dates as you do but that does not necessarily indicate a lack of caring or loving on their part. Many guys like my dad are deeply in love with their wives but still rank anniversaries and birthdays in the Ho Hum scale.

But anyway, shortly later he asked me out for dinner. Hehehe. And we’re going to T3 ya’ll. Yes, I am jakun like that. I hope they have AXN or SAM machines for me to pay my bills. Ohhhhhhhhh the sakit hati I will feel when I see my money just disappear like that!

2008-03-03T17:43:00.001+08:00

It was a very great weekend. Friday was romancing love and Saturday was mindless walking at Vivo because I couldn’t decide on what to buy. He was very obliging despite being very tired. We kept holding hands and we shared a tub of mind blowing double choc with choc chunks and pecans and walnut ice cream in the car. I was very happy and because of that, he was happy. Went to Borders and bought a book. Should have gotten that pretty notebook.

And everytime I tell him I love him, he tells me he loves me more.

2008-03-02T23:38:00.007+08:00

Has it been 20 years already? You know, you're still like a baby to me.

2008-02-27T14:39:00.001+08:00

"I know we get used to it. But we shouldn’t.

We get used to living in back door apartments and not having another view but the windows around. And because there is no view, sooner or later we get used to not looking outside. And because we don’t look outside, sooner or later we get used to not opening the curtains. And because we don’t open the curtains sooner or later we get used to turning on the light earlier. And by getting used to, we forget the sun, forget the air, and forget the magnitude.

We get used to waking up in the morning exasperated because it’s time. To rush into breakfast because we are late. To read newspapers while on the bus because we can’t spare any time. To eat a sandwich because we can’t stop for lunch. To go home because it’s already night. To fall asleep in the bus because we are tired. To go to bed early and sleep heavily without having lived the day.

We get used to waiting the whole day only to hear over the phone: today i can’t make it.

We get used to it, so that we don’t get scratched by harshness, to preserve ourselves. We get used to it to avoid wounds, bleedings, to spare the heart.

We get used to it to spear life. Then little by little we wear out and wear out so much getting used to it, that we lose ourselves"

There are things in life that are inevitable that we are powerless to control. The sun will rise and set. The tide will come in and out. The seasons will change and the caterpillar will change itself into a beautiful butterfly. Somehow I feel reassured by this because many other things in life are so transient – so momentary.

2008-02-25T14:47:00.000+08:00

Everything seems to be bittersweet and I’m beginning to realize that this is the worst part of growing up. The things you wanted so much when you were a child don’t seem half so wonderful to you anymore when you get them. And then there’s the part where different people have different ideas of what I am and what I should be. And then there’s me.

You know, talk is cheap and we can all well afford it. I didn’t think that it was possible for me to become this blinded. At the end of the day right, if you don’t make the choice for yourself, then who are you making it for? Is it worth it to sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of another? In the long run, do you think you’ll be happy living in someone else’s life and not your own?

Right now, I think I’ve more or less made my choice and I’m going to stick with it. I’m just sitting here now, trying to figure out if this is it. If this really is it.

2008-02-21T17:57:00.000+08:00

I know this will be a basi entry, but a basi entry is still an entry.

Everybody is writing on how they spent their V-Day, but since my bf syg and I don’t celebrate V-Day, I didn’t get flowers, big teddy bears or handmade cards. Everyday my bf syg loves me so fuck V-Day. It’s not as if he can’t give me flowers or chocolates any other day. Oh but I won’t mind a brilliant rose ring. Baby you can give me that any day. It’s a diamond, a rose and a ring altogether. How perfect! I’m not sour or anything close to that. I mean, it’s all about how you want to celebrate your love. If you think Valentine’s Day is the day you want to tell the person you love most how much you treasure him/her and shower him/her with gifts, then go ahead. To me, it’s an everyday event.

I did however, managed to convince and drag my bf syg to watch P.S. I Love You. Actually, I gave him no choice. Haha. As you all know, I have been anxiously awaiting the release and it was my most anticipated movie for this year but you can say that I was somewhat disappointed and partly upset.

Usually people claim that the book is better than the movie, that it’s just too hard to capture all that sensory detail and even sometimes all the plot details into one 2hr movie. And that is so true in the case of P.S I Love You. I was almost completely turned off by the movie the moment it started off with a fight between Holly and Gerry, her soon-to-be deceased husband. What was even more disappointing was not the lack of details, but the total change in plots, events and characters. True enough, the show was much less moving and emotional than the poignant bestseller.

So if you’ve watched the movie but have not read the book, what really happened was that Holly and Gerry are both Irish and stayed in the hearts of Dublin. Gerry was Holly’s best friend and lover. Holly has happily married parents with 3 siblings, whereas in the movie her mom is a widow and she only has a sister. Before Gerry died of brain tumor, he wrote Holly letters that will guide her not only to her grief but in rediscovering herself. The messages in the letters are Gerry’s way of informing Holly life goes on. You see, Holly was very dependant on Gerry when he was alive. Hence in the first letter, Gerry has asked her to buy a table lamp. Why a table lamp you might ask? But it was because Holly will always bang her toes against the bed every time she switches the light and he will not be around to soothe her pain. Gerry was thoughtful like that. Although Gerry wrote more letters than what was shown in the movies, most of what was shown is identical.

You will also see a part where Holly keeps calling Gerry’s voice message just so she could hear his voice. There was this part in the book where they did not show, where Holly just had a very stressful day and she was on the verge of breaking down, so she dialed Gerry’s handphone to hear his voice message and left a message of “Gerry… I miss you…” while tearing. This I could very much relate to as I’lm known for always calling the bf syg to whine or cry whenever something is up and then I would feel better. So yeah, I felt her. I won’t know what I would do either.

BUT!!!!! I was appalled that they created this William character which never existed in the book. I think this character is sungguh tak penting! And it made the story bitchy because Holly slept with Gerry’s long time friend. Your husband died barely a year and you sleep with another man?! Sigh.

Although the movie was rushed and I couldn’t really enjoy the story, overall it was good. Just not as good as the book. See the movie, and then read the book. Or just skip the movie altogether and read the book. It truly shows how those who hold on to something so dearly can find the courage to move on.

Soooo…. moving on, my probation is over! Woweeee! It’s time I take my career seriously. Beg, kasut and make-up semua nak mahal, so must work to be able to afford that. Haha.

Ok, so now back to work. Today don’t want to stay late coz mentel nak jumpa bf.

2008-02-20T14:46:00.001+08:00

"And dont go away,
Say what you say,
Say that you'll stay,
Forever and a day,
In the time of my life,
Cos I need more time,
Yes I need more time just to make things right,
Yes I need more time just to make things right,
Yes I need more time just to make things right,
So Don't Go Away...."

Ok...

2008-02-19T12:08:00.001+08:00

What do you mean by maybe....

What was that supposed to mean?

2008-02-15T16:29:00.005+08:00

THE FIRST

Where did you meet?
He offered to fetch me home from work because I was working very late that day. It was the most memorable journey home.

When did you meet?
It doesn’t matter when, where and how actually. What matters is that we met and the rest was history.

Was it love at first sight?
Not quite… But he was funny and I like his character.

Where was your first date?
It was dinner at East Coast… Till now we’ll still have the same orders every time we go there.

How long until you met the parents?
It was Hari Raya on that same year. I was scared shitless but it turned out alright.

When was it official?
040506. Nice date.

THE GOOD

Whats the sweetest thing he has ever done for you?
Rushing down at 9 in the morning when I needed him, took care of me when I sprained my ankle, never saying no to pick me up wherever I am… Actually, it’ll be endless because he has done so much more sweet things. So much more.

Does he buy you lots of gifts?
Not really. I wish he could, but all the things that he has given are still with me.

Whats your favorite thing to do together?
Just being ourselves and talk, tease and laugh at each other. Occasionally, we love making out. Haha!

When did you know you were falling in love?
This is a very good question. I guess initially I still had mixed feelings. You can say that I fell in love with his character. It took me about a year later to really be in love with him after his words, actions and reactions touched me and that I realized that he really meant what he said.

Who said I love you first?
Honestly, I can’t remember. I know I’m not a person who easily says these words and the same goes for him. I think it took me about 7 months to text him first and I still remember the first time he said it. It was later and it was awkward. I don’t know if he meant it the first time, but I know right now he loves me infinitely despite all the odds.

THE BAD

Whats his worst habit?
He’s a goner when he sleeps.

What annoys you about him?
When he is lazy to reply my messages.
When he is late.
When he doesn’t look at me and acknowledge when I talk.

Has he ever hurt you badly?
Hmm.

Would he ever cheat?
No.

Do you trust him?
Yes.

DEEP & MEANINGFUL

Could you be without him?
Attempted for a day. NO.

Do you think about him constantly when you are apart?
Always.

How long have you been together?
Close to two.

Can you see a future together?
With God's will, yes.

Would you like to get married?
I would love to, but marriage is a bonding that is very serious that we still need to figure out.

Where can you see your relationship in a year’s time?
Still together and planning our finances right.

5 years time?
If all goes well, probably in the next stage of my life.

Do you know there is definitely no-one better out there for you?
It is not that there is no one better out there, but he has been the best for me.

Is he your best friend as well as your lover?
He is my best friend and a very good lover.

Does he come first over everyone else in your life?
He holds an importance in my life with my family.

Would you die for him?
Honestly, I will not die for him. But I will give my utmost all for his well-being.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

Whats the funniest thing you have ever done together?
Go to the arcade and compete with each other in all the games.

Say something that only you two understand...
We don’t have any codes but we like to randomly play the finger wrestling game and in between friends, when I sneak a look at him, he would secretly wink at me.

Does he make you laugh?
Yeah. He has the weirdest sense of humor, and I mean it in a good way.

Is he tickelish?
HAHAHAHAHA. YES!

Are you?
Yes. And he loves to disturb me because of that.

HAVE YOU EVER?

Spent the night together?
Never the whole entire night. He doesn’t like me to stay out late at night.

Celebrated a holiday together?
Not yet.

Made him cry?
Hmm.

Done anything spontaneous together?
Yes. We’re fun like that.

Is this love?
Definitely.

2008-02-13T18:18:00.001+08:00

It’s that time of the year again where people start to feeling-feeling romantic. My boyfriend and I don’t believe in the whole fiasco because everyday pon we loving. Haha! Meluat kan! Although I must admit that it won’t hurt if we could catch PS I love you which officially debuts tomorrow because the book was fantastic and because lots of things have happened in the space of this week, some good, mostly bad that I just felt like crying myself silly while eating chocolates or donuts. I’m craving for donuts! Maybe I’m just crazy or I have crossed the other side of being a hopeless romantic. You know, I was the queen of no-feelings. Haha. What has happened to me??!!!. Ok never mind.

I was at work and missing the bf sayang so I coined a very nice message/ quote and he replied with a “panjangnyer falsafah”. Sometimes kan (sometimes ajer), having an unromantic bf is the works! There are a lot of things that you analyze and anticipate from them. If he’s the romantic type, you and your friends will have the standard “AWW… So romantic…”. If it happens every time they see or talk to you, secretly they might just start to feel meluat because they have to endure similar sounding stories to “My bf bought me roses (AGAIN), gave me a ring (AGAIN), cooked for me (AGAIN), told me I’m the sexiest girl alive (AGAIN) (oh by which trust me, is NEVER true anyway)”

But, romantic or not, my bf sayang is still the person who can sweep me off my feet. Literally and technically speaking.